Bringing home a new baby can feel like a shock to the system. Old routines change overnight and it can take a long time for families to adjust. Yet there’s a lot that partners can do to help ease the transition.
Postpartum challenges
New parents are expecting to feel tired after having a baby. It’s the other unexpected challenges that arise that may catch them off guard.
“I think some partners don't expect it to feel so drastic,” said Kim Kapinos, licensed clinical social worker with Yale New Haven Hospital’s Maternal Wellness Program. “Oftentimes, a birthing individual has had nine months to prepare for this baby’s arrival, whereas as a partner is just learning and having that shift happen as soon as baby is arriving.”
Postpartum challenges can include physical recovery from childbirth, breastfeeding challenges, changes to roles within the family dynamic, baby blues and postpartum mood disorders such as postpartum depression or anxiety.
Postpartum warning signs
The 12 weeks immediately after birth is known as the fourth trimester, and it’s a time when birthing individuals are at heightened risk for physical complications such as preeclampsia. Partners should be on the lookout for warning signs such as:
- Significant postpartum bleeding
- Severe headache that doesn’t go away with Tylenol
- Fever higher than 100.4
- Chest pain
If someone who has recently had a baby is experiencing physical symptoms, they should seek medical care right away.
Mental health warning signs can include:
- Insomnia
- Racing thoughts
- Restlessness
- Loss of appetite
“Sometimes outwardly birthing individuals have recovered, and they may look well, but inwardly, they're still postpartum. Inwardly, they still might be struggling with maternal mental health,” said Kapinos.
If someone is concerned about their loved one’s mental health, they should reach out for help from their clinician, whether it is an OB, midwife or mental health provider. Yale New Haven Health’s Maternal Wellness Program also offers support and treatment.
How to help someone postpartum
Even if someone is recovering well from childbirth, they still need daily support. Kapinos says many birthing individuals are learning how to care for themselves again while caring for a baby, and a partner can help by supporting and caring for that birthing individual. That may look like bringing snacks and water to mom while she breastfeeds or feeds baby, taking all the meal planning for the family or making, providing and encouraging opportunities for sleep, and keeping track of doctor’s appointments.
That support will have to evolve over time as new challenges arise.
“Perinatal mental health symptoms can arise or worsen at any point that first year following childbirth. This can be due to various reasons such as ongoing hormonal changes, developmental changes for their baby, shifts in sleep, returning to work, navigating transitions such as a baby starting daycare. Any one of these experiences can be an adjustment for families,” said Kapinos.
Kapinos says the best way to navigate those challenges is to keep communication open and ongoing, well beyond the fourth trimester and even if everything appears to be fine.
“I love the saying, ‘You can't pour from an empty cup,’ and yet birthing individuals still find a way to pour from an empty cup,” Kapinos said. “A great way for a partner to step in is to help the birthing individual fill up their cup. Maybe that’s packing their lunch, washing the bottles, providing a 10-minute break. It’s not huge but that constant checking-in and support can make a difference.”
Additional resources: The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline provides 24-hour support to individuals experiencing significant symptoms to their mood. That number is 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262). Postpartum Support International also provides resources for those experiencing perinatal anxiety and depression such as virtual free groups, access to resources, and support in Connecticut. The PSI Helpline is 1-800-944-4773.
